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A best friend is a very special person to have in your life. They are usually the first ones you call when you have a problem, want to hang out or just need someone to talk to. Over time, however, many people experience stronger feelings towards their best friend. You may start to feel attracted to them, or even realize that you’re falling in love them. In situations like these, you have two choices: tell them how you feel, or try to disregard your feelings.
I first began to have feelings for my best friend during some time last year. I did everything I could to try and ignore it. However, I disregarded the logical thing to do — ignoring my feelings — and I told him how I felt. I told him that I had feelings for him for a while and wanted to start an relationship. He said that he wasn’t sure yet what he wanted and he needed to see how things would work out. We decided to take it slow and began hooking up.
Hooking up with your best friend can be a lot of fun at first. Since both of you are very comfortable with each other, you won’t have to deal with the “getting to know you” phase. You can get the best of both worlds from turning your friendship into “friends with benefits” — you can have a best friend when you need advice, and a “friend with benefits” when you want to be satisfied. And who knows, maybe your friend with benefits will turn into a long-term relationship. Nevertheless, in my experience, this did not happen.
After a few weeks of hooking up with my best friend, everything was going well, but, one night, everything changed. He started acting differently, awkwardly even. He said that things were getting too serious and we needed to end our “fling.” He said that he emotionally wasn’t ready for a relationship and needed some time to think. A couple weeks later, he got a girlfriend. I was devastated and confused. I never expected that my best friend would do something like that to me. I felt as if he had given up on both our friendship and relationship. Just imagine how you would feel if anyone would have done that to you — let alone your best friend.
Ignoring your feelings towards your best friend is the best thing to do. There are higher stakes at risk in being in a relationship with your best friend than with a complete stranger. There is always the chance that you could lose them. If it doesn’t work out, things might not go back to normal — you never know how the other person may feel after the relationship is over. And you never know exactly what your best friend is thinking. They may want different things than you do. Your best friend may just be sexually attracted to you and not be looking for a relationship. In my experience, I would not want to risk that again.
The thought of being more than friends with anyone, not to mention your best friend, can be scary. And honestly, once you see each other naked, things will never be the same. There will always be the question of what to do next. When you cross the line between being best friends and being lovers, how can things ever be the same?
It took me a little while to get over everything that happened with us. I kept going back and forth in my head, wondering if it was even worth trying to be friends again. Eventually, I realized that our friendship was more important than the “fling” we had.
The sad part was that once my best friend ended our hook-up relationship, things were never the same again. Every time I called him to hang out, he either ignored my calls or made up an excuse of why he couldn’t hang out. As time went on, the more we grew apart, I felt as if we became strangers. From this experience I not only lost a hook-up buddy, I lost my best friend too.
Make sure to ask yourself if having a sexual relationship with your best friend will strain your friendship if your hook-up or relationship come to an end. Most of the time, these kinds of relationships do not work. Think with your head, not your body.
Contact CU Independent Staff Writer Alex Myers at alexandra.myers@colorado.edu.
