A cardboard paper-decorated heart. (CU Independent File)
I wish I could begin this piece not with an introduction, but with one of those pre-recorded laugh tracks from sitcoms like “Friends.” Sometimes, you can’t help but laugh at the traditions embedded in the world of college dating. There are roughly three categories of readers for this article. First, the singles—welcome. You are appreciated here. Second, those in relationships—you are also welcome and I hope your relationship is thriving. If you’re feeling uncertain, perhaps this article will bring you some clarity. And last but not least, the bitter and lonely—you are welcome too, but please, don’t let your resentment spoil the friendly environment I’m trying to create.
Okay, freshmen, let’s talk. Your instinct might be to come in, guns blazing, looking for your prince charming or soulmate. I really hate to be the bearer of bad news, but trust me, your prince charming is not the guy you meet at Farrand Field during welcome week who asks for your Snapchat. Along similar lines, he’s probably not the guy you were dancing with at a frat party. We often come in with the expectation that college is where we’ll meet our life partners. While some people do get lucky their freshman year, and Chad from the frat ends up being their future husband, I suggest spending some time exploring your newfound adulthood and freedom.
Freshman year is a period of intense personal development and growth. Most people will find themselves becoming a completely different version of who they were by the time summer approaches. This is a good thing. You’re forming your own opinions and sense of identity, and it’s normal to experience some growing pains along the way. That being said, this is why I believe it’s beneficial to focus on yourself during this time, rather than getting involved with another person. Romantic relationships can be amazing if they are healthy, but it’s important to enter one only after you truly know yourself.
I know all of this because I have firsthand experience. I met my freshman-year boyfriend on the Friday that concluded welcome week and we started dating two weeks into the semester. Yeah, I know—fast. Being in love for the first time was great and I will never regret the time I spent with him. However, after we broke up a few months later in February, I went through a bit of a midyear crisis. I was so confused about why I suddenly felt so lost. I then realized it was because, during those first couple of months when I was supposed to be developing independent habits, I was too busy discovering the identity of another person and molding my life to fit into theirs when I didn’t even know how I fit into my own world. It wasn’t until I was once again alone that I was truly able to begin the growing process that fostered the person I wanted to become.
Now that we’ve moved past what I like to call the “freshman-year scaries,” it’s time to talk about a topic that haunts our generation today: hookup culture. I can practically feel the eye roll through the screen. Everyone goes into college wanting different things but a lot of people want to experiment and explore. This often leads to similar experiences—one-night stands that never lead to a second call or that ‘situationship’ you romanticized in your head but ended up going nowhere because they wouldn’t even spend a meal swipe on you. Absolutely tragic.
After my extensive research, I’ve identified a few warning signs to watch out for if you’re someone looking for something more serious in a casual college environment. One of the biggest red flags is love bombing. You know that person who, within a few hours of meeting you, is already giving you heart eyes, telling you you’re ‘different’ and calling you beautiful or handsome while kissing you on the forehead? Run. They don’t know you and that’s just weird.
Another red flag: the ‘wanna come over and hang out?’ text anytime after 9:00 p.m. They don’t actually want to watch a cute rom-com or Star Wars. I was shocked too.
Red flag number three: the person who says they’re ‘not ready for a relationship but might be soon.’ I hate to break it to you, but they’re not leaving the door wide open for you to step through—it’s just cracked enough to keep you knocking and hopeful.
Now, what if you’re someone who wants something casual? You do you. Find what works for you and be honest about what doesn’t. Be open to meeting new people and gaining different experiences. Make sure to stay safe in all aspects, whether that means looking out for your friends or stopping by the University of Colorado Boulder’s Wardenburg Health Center to explore resources and discuss responsible behaviors and habits. We’re all adults here—use protection.
I am completely guilty of being a hopeless romantic. But even if you’re one of those people who gags at public displays of affection, we are all, whether we want to admit it or not, searching for that special person who gives us those giddy feelings that make our hearts race and our cheeks flush. We are all searching for love. The funny thing about love is that it isn’t just found in the arms of another person; it can also be found in platonic friendships, moments of kindness and life itself. So, keep hope alive in the realm of love, but also know that there are multiple realms to explore first. You’d be surprised who follows you through a door when you least expect it—and it probably won’t be the person who just left it cracked.
Contact CU Independent staff writer Sophia Neckin at sophia.neckin@colorado.edu.
