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This piece is from the CU Independent’s opinion section. Any opinions or views do not represent the CU Independent.
Usually, the sound of my alarm would make my stomach churn, but I had gotten used to it by then. My parents would have had a heart attack if they saw me awake before noon, especially during the summer. However, this wasn’t a typical summer. For one thing, I had just moved into my first apartment. Though it was small, it felt empty. Naturally, I didn’t own many things—including a dresser or a desk—but even if I had a storage locker’s worth of furniture, the apartment still would have felt terribly empty. The only person who could have changed that was an ocean away. When you begin a long-distance relationship, you will have to make sacrifices that feel significant but, in reality, are mostly small.
That’s why I decided to wake up early one day. The time difference made it difficult for us to find time to talk, but I discovered that if I set my alarm for 6:00 a.m. my time, it would be around 2:00 p.m. for her. Nestled between lunch and dinner, it was an ideal time to talk, as she usually didn’t have many obligations then. We usually planned to call each other around when she finished dinner, but today she said that she might not be able to do that. When it comes to long distance relationships, it is important to plan out a specified time that you dedicatedly talk to each other as life can be hectic, especially while traveling, and without these precautions it can be easy to forget to keep in touch. It’s also important to remember that plans change day-to-day. When your plans inevitably fall through on a certain day try not to be distraught and don’t let the entire plan crash.
It had been about a month since we had gone long distance, and there were certainly benefits to being alone. I noticed them first on the drive home from the airport, when I got to play the songs I was too embarrassed to put on around her. That day, I was relishing that freedom in the form of an energy-drink-only-breakfast. Though you shouldn’t admit it to your partner, it’s healthy to seek out and take advantage of the benefits that their absence brings. Though my dietary preferences would certainly lead to heart problems later, there was something more pressing tugging at my heart.
The sputtering of the showerhead, the silence left after turning off the television and the clink of the last dish being put away were all small moments when I realized how alone I really was. My immediate reaction to this uncomfortable feeling was to grab my phone and pray for a message to be on its screen. A tactic that worked only until 4 p.m. when, inevitably, she would fall asleep. That day proved to be an exception as she was very tired and consequently turning in early. As I texted good night, I moved on to my other coping mechanism: taking a walk. While you’re in a long-distance relationship, I recommend trying out new things! Even things that you might think would be boring might become your saving grace during this time.
Another agonizingly quiet moment accompanied me while I locked my door. As quickly as I could, I dialed my mom’s phone number, and the silence was broken by a ringing tone. For the first week, I like to think my mom was delighted by how frequently I called her. I think, by now, the never-ending lecture of how much I missed my partner was getting old. I knew it wasn’t healthy to constantly lament, but that’s exactly why I called my mom. This was a time that I allowed myself to fully express my feelings. After we hung up, I didn’t promise that I wouldn’t be sad or that I wouldn’t express it, but I found it important to give myself time and space to recognize these feelings. There may be things you need to discuss that you may not have the time or ability to express to them. So, whether you finally call your mom, get deep with your friends, or journal, it is important to process your emotions in a way that isn’t talking them through with your partner.
After the call ended, I turned my phone off. There wasn’t much on my device that would excite me after she had gone to sleep, so I focused heavily on my lectures and work. On the surface, it seemed that my productivity had improved, but there was an issue. I didn’t put as much effort into what I was doing. Everything felt distant and unimportant. After I had finished my work, the only person I looked forward to finally spending time with was gone. However, I realized that this might be an unfair thing to think about when I have so many special people in my life. That’s why I made the extra effort to spend more time with them. It’s natural to prioritize your partner, but when you’re in a long distance, you can use the time to focus on the other important people in your life.
I invited my friend over, and while I was grateful, something was haunting my mind. I kept thinking about how much more I would have enjoyed the movies I watched, the food I ate and the conversations I had if only I were doing it all with my partner. I recognized that this was an unfair thing to think about while spending time with my friend. So, I had a mantra that I repeated every time these thoughts infiltrated my mind: I was collecting these experiences so that I could share them with my partner when she arrived home. I was happy to learn that she was thinking this as well. It can be easy to dwell on how great the time you spent with your partner was, or how happy you could be now, but live in the moment and remember that the future is always drawing closer.
A few months later, when we were driving home from the airport, she put on new music that she had heard, and I caught her up on all the things my friends and family were doing. Before we got home, we stopped by a new restaurant that served food she didn’t typically lean toward, but since I had tried it on my own, I knew she would like it. She admitted that I was right as I turned the volume up on the movie, I had watched with my friend many weeks before. When you are together again, try not to think of all the ways the experience separated you, but all the ways you can be together now.
A long-distance relationship is difficult. It requires sacrifices, communication, and a recognition of both the good and bad aspects of being without your partner; a reliance on yourself, friends, and loved ones and an understanding that time separates you more than space. After enough time, it won’t matter how far apart you were. Besides, you’ll be grateful to sleep in and eat a real breakfast again.
Contact CU Independent Writer Atticus Kennedy at atticus.kennedy@colorado.edu
